Sure, it's all about you, isn't it, lady?

My son was a very needy baby. He didn't sleep much, and he always wanted me with him. I'm kind of a loner, so it was a shock to me, never getting to be by myself any more. I felt so desperate for a little time away from mommyhood, especially just to read or listen to music.

We usually walked everywhere -- he hated the car -- and I would always bring my Walkman along with me, and some tapes from a book on tape or just some music. While my baby was awake, I would talk to him, sing to him, catch his eyes and smile as we walked along; but as soon as he fell asleep, I would whip on my headphones. It was so wonderful to be able to get some "reading" done, or to hear some non-child-friendly music -- really loud, with bad words and everything!

I felt, of course, like the worst mommy in the universe, walking along with my baby and wearing my headphones. He was facing me, so it wasn't as if I wouldn't notice if he woke up or needed me, but I still felt like a jerk. Not that that stopped me.