Hey, everybody, sing it if you know it: All you need is sarcasm!

I have been known (in the sense that even the neighbors can hear me, and comment on my performance) to go over the top when it comes to my response on certain "hot-button" issues. I just never seem to be able to tone it down when my son says that he doesn't feel like doing something he's supposed to.

I know it's wrong. When I ask him to please put his stuff away, get dressed, etc., and he whines, "I don't waaaaant to," I know I should calmly but firmly tell him that he needs to anyway -- we all have things that we don't really feel like doing but that must be done just the same. I know this is what I should say, because the perfect mommy in my head tells me so.

Unfortunately, she never wins this battle. Because what actually comes out of my mouth is always something along the lines of, "Oh, really? REALLY? This is the planet of 'I Don't Have To If I Don't Want To?' I didn't know we'd moved there! What a great place! Let's see -- gee, where do I start? Well, I don't feel like doing the laundry -- those aren't even all MY dirty clothes anyway. I sure don't feel like doing the dishes. And I know right now that I'm not going to want to make dinner. Heck, I don't even feel like being awake! I'm going back to bed right now!"

I realize this is horribly, horribly wrong for any number of reasons. However, it does seem to get the job done. Even when my son doesn't want to do the right thing for the right reason now, he'll do almost anything to circumvent my going off on my rant. I just hope I die before he writes his memoirs, because I'm pretty sure I don't want to see what he's going to have to say about me.