tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593Sat, 12 Dec 2009 16:07:31 +0000http://www.realbadmommies.com/noreply@blogger.com (DM)Blogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-4601583987354704001Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:27:00 +00002009-08-05T22:27:26.087-07:00 My nine-year-old son heard about the concept of the "cuss jar" and gleefully danced out one morning with one he'd rigged up himself. It has a sign on it and everything. He insists that we keep it out in the living room, so everyone can see just how evil I've been. We keep having fights about what, exactly, qualifies as a finable offense. For instance, I had to take it to a higher court (my http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/08/sounds-like-youd-save-lot-of-time-if.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-7790275311318722056Sun, 02 Aug 2009 19:08:00 +00002009-08-02T12:11:18.342-07:00My son was being snippy -- nothing really awful, but it was a day that I had already claimed as my personal property when it came to 'tude. After he gave a particularly saucy reply to a perfectly civil question, I snapped and said, "Okay, are you about to get your period, too?" My husband gave me his patented "I don't live here, I don't even know these people" look and asked me if RBM was http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/08/okay-ive-heard-about-girls-getting.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-8899767441179240859Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:45:00 +00002009-07-30T17:45:50.777-07:00I went in to get my eyebrows waxed -- something I've never done before. Maybe lying on that table did something to my brain. At any rate, I was chatting with the friend who brought me, and I mentioned that my son was turning ten years old in a few days. My friend started going on about how she remembered turning ten, it's such a big deal -- you're two digits, you feel so grownup. And then I http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/at-least-she-remembered-he-has-birthday.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-3808110357955381225Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:00:00 +00002009-07-26T09:00:41.464-07:00From a RBM friend, printed with permission: We used a diaper service with my first two kids. (The third one was lucky we even bothered to change his diaper now and then.) You sign up for the service when you're pregnant, and then you call to let them know that you had the baby and need them to start coming. When you call that second time, they always ask you if you had a boy or a girl, because http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/maybe-you-should-check-just-in-case.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-1143548625772888873Thu, 23 Jul 2009 05:35:00 +00002009-07-22T22:36:14.313-07:00I'm researching swear words in other languages so my child can't complain about how much I cuss. Of course, with my luck, that'll be what prompts him to take an interest in linguistics. He'll be famous in his field, and someone will ask him what triggered his love of his work and he'll tell them it was hearing mommy say #&%! in Dutch. http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/educational-badness.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-1509767209398147038Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:33:00 +00002009-07-20T11:33:42.036-07:00I've never been huge on letter writing. I remember when I was a teenager and spent six months in Europe. Pretty much the only letter my family got from me was when a friend of mine was going back to the states. I scribbled down a letter, addressed it, and told her to mail it when she got back home. So my parents got a letter from me in Europe, postmarked in New Orleans. Anyway -- I haven't http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/another-park-story-from-very-good-mommy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-4424380615629736768Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:39:00 +00002009-07-17T17:39:30.440-07:00One very good mommy brought a birthday cake to a park gathering. "I hope you brought enough for the grownups," I said, and she assured me she had. I confessed that I've simply never grown out of the love of frosting, and will elbow my way in for an edge piece (or better yet, a corner). "Oh, my kids didn't taste frosting for the first few years of their lives," one of my favorite moms said. I http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/real-bad-mommy-confessions-from-park.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-2642648889468859320Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:25:00 +00002009-07-15T11:25:58.084-07:00I was a pretty good mommy when I was pregnant, but I would always have these dreams that I'd just done something terrible to the baby. Like I'd just had a cup of coffee (I gave up all caffeine) or just smoked a cigarette (I've never smoked in my life) or something. The dream would always start right at the point where whatever it was had just happened, so there was nothing I could do about it, http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/even-when-were-good-were-bad.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-7447058706273573498Tue, 14 Jul 2009 01:20:00 +00002009-07-13T18:21:07.264-07:00My son has a bookshelf packed with books. He doesn't browse his shelves the way I always did (and still do) and he doesn't have as merciless a grip on what he owns, bookwise, as his book-mommy does. I've been known to sneak a book off his shelf while he's asleep and wrap it up as a "new" gift for him. What's sad is that his dad is utterly unconscious that any ruse has occurred, and congratulates http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/new-depths-of-regifting.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-8258835247441621782Sun, 12 Jul 2009 02:02:00 +00002009-07-11T19:02:26.132-07:00One day when my son was about a year old, we were at the library, waiting in line to have our books checked out. It was a long line, and my son liked being near me; but he'd passed the twenty-pound mark when he was five months old, and I couldn't hold him for extended periods. So I sat him down on the surface of the checkout counter. He was delighted by the view. A lovely old gentleman saw us http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/darwin-would-be-so-proud.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-379257747939305399Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:17:00 +00002009-07-07T10:18:23.775-07:00 I was delighted to receive the following letter. Never knew I was in the advice column business, but I'm always willing to try something new, especially when it involves being treated like someone who knows stuff.   Dear RBM, Are you a bad parent if you have a glass of Chardonnay once or twice a week in the evening to relax from your day? I have done this once in a while and now I am being http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/ask-real-bad-mommy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-3551728268869972342Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:35:00 +00002009-07-05T21:35:44.395-07:00 I hate potty training. A lot.  Diaper changing just isn't a big deal to me. It can always wait until a phone call is finished, I'm out of the shower, or a whole cup of coffee is in my system. Potty-training is a RIGHT THIS MINUTE issue. And I am so not a fan of sitting near a toilet for 15 minutes, reading books or playing trains. That's just icky. Unfortunately, my husband has put his foot http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/07/start-making-business-cards-now-mommy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-7348473248255484040Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:39:00 +00002009-06-28T10:40:08.927-07:00The other day, I was sitting at my desk. It was one of those days when everything's completely quiet until I'm silly enough to actually sit down and try to concentrate on some work. And then the yelling started. Not my kid. He was playing quietly in his room. No, it was our neighbor's daughter, who really is a perfectly nice girl. But her mom was either out of earshot or ignoring her on purpose.http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/bonus-points-for-being-rbm-to-somebody.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-9197111160193906693Sat, 27 Jun 2009 04:09:00 +00002009-06-26T21:09:48.107-07:00One of the best bad mommies I know is someone I've never met, but read about on a loop. A virtual friend of a friend. This woman's daughter would sometimes get very surly and uncooperative when she and her mother went grocery shopping. The mom was always completely cheerful. She'd just give her a big smile, take a deep breath, and start belting out "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" at the top of http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/rbm-to-admire-from-safe-distance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-489890017476266650Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:36:00 +00002009-06-24T15:36:42.774-07:00Here's my Real Bad Mommy story: We live on an acre+ in the woods, and we don't really socialize with our neighbors. When the leaves are on the trees, you can't see any other homes from our property. We love the privacy. Nearly two years ago, a loose dog came through our front yard. I walked across the street to see if he belonged to the people who had just built a new house. He did not, but http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/or-maybe-she-just-has-really-memorable.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-1084024152418808677Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:07:00 +00002009-06-22T17:07:58.699-07:00My son was being very sarcastic and rude, and I was annoyed. So when he went to take a drink, I kept making goofy faces and weird noises so he would splutter every time he tried to so much as sip. I must have tortured him for a solid five minutes before we arrived at an agreement that both of us would act like civilized human beings for the rest of the evening, at least. http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/wait-didnt-president-just-condemn-this.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-396591374091065307Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:26:00 +00002009-06-20T17:26:42.457-07:00When I tell my kids that I'm going to make a cup of coffee, or read to myself all by myself for a little while, or something equally demanding and absurd, I add in a very serious, wide-eyed way, "Is that all right with you?" Of course it drives them insane every time. But it does get the job done. http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/utterly-unreasonable.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-5503167004699296840Fri, 19 Jun 2009 03:42:00 +00002009-06-18T22:08:05.853-07:00My son spends ninety percent of his time at the park running around like a loon, because that's his job. I spend my time there sitting in my little portable chair, because that's mine. We only run into trouble when he decides every once in a while that he wants to sit down, and I point to the ground and invite him to pull up a patch of grass. He inspected my chair ruefully on a day like this. "http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/double-bad-mommy-loses-arguments-with.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-7493460876727379143Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:16:00 +00002009-06-16T13:10:42.133-07:00The littlest one was colicky and screamed and screamed, never napped,   and only slept through the night in two- or three-hour bursts. When   she could finally move around under her own power, the noise blissfully   stopped. Apparently it was the confinement making her miserable. We   set her down and let her go.  Enjoying our first bit of quiet in many   many months, we suddenly realized it was http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/okay-but-white-chemical-powder-keeps.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-4735899404775366140Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:17:00 +00002009-06-15T10:17:46.298-07:00My kids were always yelling to me from wherever they were in the house.  I got tired of it, so I came up with what I thought was a good policy.  "I'm in the kitchen if you want to talk to me," I told them. This worked great, until they started telling me, "I'm in the backyard if you want to talk to me."  I had to explain that it really doesn't go both ways.  I still don't think they get it. http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/real-bad-mommies-love-those-double.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-528137310357505233Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:15:00 +00002009-06-13T21:20:34.984-07:00Okay, it's been way too long. I have stories saved up -- some of my own, some from friends, some from total strangers -- and it's time to start posting again. I promise to start posting regularly. In fact, after this public service announcement, I'll post something actually funny. But will you please, if you think about it, send in some Real Bad stories of your own? It gets so lonely without http://www.realbadmommies.com/2009/06/return-of-real-bad-mommies.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-116590127069748942Tue, 12 Dec 2006 05:16:00 +00002006-12-11T21:27:50.716-08:00So, wanting to be a good, dutiful parent rearing a sweet and culturally literate child, in honor of the season I just read my nine-year-old son "The Gift of the Magi," by O. Henry. We got to the end of the story, and my voice cracked just a little on those last sentences about how the idiots who sold their best stuff to buy presents for each other were wiser than the wise men who brought http://www.realbadmommies.com/2006/12/gift-of-real-bad-mommy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-116573858491335621Sun, 10 Dec 2006 08:16:00 +00002006-12-10T22:48:45.526-08:00At this time of year, I just can't stop quoting a Calvin and Hobbes comic to my son (who also loves C & H, naturally). It's the one where Calvin asks his dad about when they'll be putting the Christmas tree up and the dad starts messing with his head -- saying that they'll put it in the garage or something. What sticks in my head is when the dad adds, "And that way if you get a present…" http://www.realbadmommies.com/2006/12/ah-another-wonderful-holiday-tradition_10.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-116544830276710056Wed, 06 Dec 2006 23:36:00 +00002006-12-06T15:39:19.650-08:00During the election last November my youngest child was especially interested in the increased cigarette tax. We talked a lot about diseases caused by smoking and how they're treated. Whenever we were out and he saw someone smoking he'd say (sometimes quite loudly), "That person is going to have to pay a lot of money for their cigarettes, and the goverment will give it to hospitals to take carehttp://www.realbadmommies.com/2006/12/and-those-heartwarming-holiday-stories.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34410593.post-116511882759610479Sun, 03 Dec 2006 03:58:00 +00002006-12-03T23:24:59.106-08:00I just gave two children a stern, solemn lecture on the dangers of salmonella poisoning from the raw eggs that go into the chocolate-chip cookie batter, selflessly protecting them from licking the bowl or beaters of the batch we'd just mixed up. Then, as soon as they were safely out of the room and down the hall, I chomped a generous spoonful of the dough. In fact, I got my secret stash of http://www.realbadmommies.com/2006/12/food-poisoning-family-tradition.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (DM)3